Now that I’m a mom, I’m rather curious when I hear/read other moms say that they feel like they lost their identity when they had their child(ren). In many of these cases, the woman is trying to do things to reclaim the self she feels like she lost.
After the birth of my son, I felt like I gained an identity, not lost one. Yes, there are times when my new identity conflicts with a piece of me that was already in existence, but I don’t feel a sense of loss nor do I mourn the self I used to be or the self I could have been without a child.
I’ve “lost” my identity before. I did not simply drift away, I dropped myself in a 6 foot hold and buried my self for a number of years. The daughter, friend, student, colleague, etc… that others had come to love, admire and respect vanished and was replaced by an out of control and miserable person that would just as soon take a knife to her wrists as feel any real emotion. My values, beliefs and guiding principles were ignored. I no longer recognized myself and neither did those that knew me best. THAT is losing your identity.
I guess after going through that and truly rediscovering myself and reaffirming my faith and beliefs, having my baby was a step towards becoming the person I feel that I was meant to be. Adding “Mom” to my identity and line-up of titles has been thrilling. That’s not to say that I don’t miss having an hour to go to the gym or cook some fabulous gourmet dinner or being able to drop everything to spend time with a friend. But I haven’t lost any of those things. They are simply part of my identity that gets shelved in favor of a new one.
