Having a difficult time Wednesday, Jun 11 2008

I have to admit something. I am having a very difficult time with with my stepson being here. On one hand, I am very happy that both daddy and son get a huge chunk of time together. For both of their well-beings, it is a great thing. However, I’m still struggling so much with viewing him as an invasion. Yes, I knew when I married my husband, he was part of the deal. I love the boy as much as I can. I care for him and am constantly concerned for him. I don’t know what I’m having such a problem. I think it can be boiled down to a few issues. The summer stay was something that came together very quickly and without much warning to me. It went from a week to 11 weeks. My own son with my husband is only 10 weeks old. I had hoped on some more time for just daddy and son #2…but more importantly between mommy and son since I have to go back to work soon. My days are already going to be spent away from him and soon I will have to divide my evening time as well. I’m simply not ready for it. I have no idea how to get over this. I am trying to focus on the good all of this will bring for everyone else, but that still doesn’t help my selfish thoughts.

I’m also upset with my husband constantly saying how bad he feels about Son #1 having to go to daycare during the day while he’s down here. Um…HELLO? His first son got almost 3 years at home with his mother before the divorce and before she had to go back to work. It is normal for three and four year olds to go to some sort of pre-school. It certainly isn’t a stretch for him to be at school at 4-years of age. I feel bad that it is a new school and that he had to leave friends behind, but still, that’s still within the realm of normal.  My son is going to be in daycare at 3 months.  3 MONTHS!  The one he should feel sorry for is the young one who will never be able to experience his mommy caring for him while he is young.  I’m sick about it.

Random ranting…not really productive other than the fact its out there.  Any step-parent suggestions?  I don’t really know what to say when husband keeps asking, “Isn’t this great?”  Umm…not really.

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Perspective Wednesday, May 21 2008

I was reading another blog this evening that struck a chord with me.  It is by a stepmom that has a biological child (or maybe children).  In one of her posts, she was explaining why she started the blog and it was to put the birth-mother in a compartment.  To have a place to write about frustrations regarding fragmented families, being a stepmom and dealing with the ex-wife/birth-mother.

I’ve mentioned before that I used to have another blog that I used to write about my eating disorder, what it did to my first marriage and ultimately deciding to leave that marriage.  It was called “Self-Therapy By Writing.”  I started this blog, now that I think about it, as a place to put all of my feelings about the marriage I chose.  A marriage, I will point out, that completes me in a way that I never knew possible.  Nonetheless though, this marriage comes with baggage that, at times, I have no idea how to handle.  So this is truly “Continued Self-Therapy by Writing.”

The other aspect I appreciated about the blog I was reading tonight was when it pointed out that another reason she started the blog was so she would not waste precious time with her husband discussing his ex-wife when that time should be spent more constructively.  I wish I knew how many countless hours my husband and I have wasted talking about his ex.  She domineers our conversation at times.  Granted, sometimes these discussions NEED to happen.  They can be constructive, especially when we are discussing our united front in dealing with her and their son.  But at times it is also extraneous, gratuitous and pointless.  While my marriage is most definitely full of joy, delight and the excitement that comes with discovering the person that I love more than anything on this planet, it is built very delicately and is constantly bombarded with issues that do not plague other families.  Such is the nature of our world now.

So I am joining this other step-mom in using this space to, in part, purge my feelings regarding subjects related to her. Ironically, I know she keeps a blog somewhere out there where she probably at times rants about me.  Ah, the tangled web we weave.

When I do post about divorce issues, step-parenting, parenting, etc… please feel free to leave respectful comments and suggestions. I’m new at all of this.  I’ll consider anything reasonable.

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